


He's so devoid of color he don't know what it means

by twoheartsx



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Angst, Cloud basically drinks everyday, Cloud can't let things go, Cloud having trouble coming to terms with what happened, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Ghosts of the Past - Freeform, Hearing Voices, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sadness, Slight fluff, Song based fic, Tifa is trying to get through to him, Tifa remembering how Cloud used to be, Unrequited Love, one sided kiss, slight insanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 17:30:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5384261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoheartsx/pseuds/twoheartsx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope." </p>
<p>No matter what Tifa says, Cloud is unable to let go. The past won't stay behind him and it catches him every night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's so devoid of color he don't know what it means

**Author's Note:**

> I heard the song Colors by Halsey and I thought of Tifa and Cloud. So, that was the inspiration for this fic. At first I was going to end it with just Cloud getting drunk and remembering Zack asking him if he wanted to be a SOLIDER, but then the implied smut wrote itself and this is what it ended up as. I really like how it turned out.

Tifa stood, wiping down the counter. She was cleaning up the bar, getting ready for tonight. She threw out the empty bottles from the night before. Tifa walked off, up the stairs to cheek on Cloud. The blond had been in bed all day and it was nearly four in the afternoon. She walked into the room, sighing. She seen him lying in bed, blankets over his head. She walked over, roughly pulling the blankets off of him. She then walked over, pulling the curtains open. Sunlight filled the room and Cloud's curses and complaints could be heard from down the hall. Tifa was sure everyone knew how unpleased he was with her doing what she had just done. She turned around seeing the blue eyed boy curled up. She walked over snatching up a pill, slamming it into his head. He sat up glaring at her.

"What the fuck Tifa?!" Cloud yelled. His eyes were puffy and red. It was clear he was hungover or crying. Tifa figured both. The dark eyes girl sighed, throwing the pillow on the bed. He kept glaring at her.

"Cloud, this needs to stop." She says, doing her best to keep her voice calm. It broke her heart to see Cloud like this. Cloud who used to be so shy and sweet was now bitter and just not sociable. It hurt to see him fall so far.

"I don't seem anything wrong." Cloud says. He sounds casual and uncaring. He always seems to these days. Tifa knows no amount of yelling will change anything, but she's just so fed up with this. Cloud couldn't let go of the past and part of her was sure he didn't want to.

"You wouldn't." She says. She turns around feeling her old friends glare on her back.

"What does it matter what I do?" Cloud asked. It was Tifa's turn to glare now. She looked at him, eyes full of sadness and frustration.

"Because I care about! There are a lot of people who care about you and they hate seeing you like this!" Tifa yelled. She walked over to Cloud who was still sitting down. She grabbed him by the shirt. "Cloud, stop living in the past! The dead is dead we can't bring them back." Tifa said, looking into his eyes. Those mako effused eyes. SOLIDER eyes. Tifa slowly pressed her lips to Cloud's, closing her eyes. It was a soft kiss. She wasn't even sure why she did it. She felt a push and fell on her back. She opened her eyes to see Cloud walking out.

"That's my issue." He said, leaving. Once she was alone and sure no one could see her she broke down, pressing her face to her knees.

"Why can't you let him go?" She said to no one. A broken hearted sob escaping her. She picked herself up, walking back down stairs. She needed to be strong. She sighed, sitting on one of the bar stools. She remembered when Cloud had joined SOLIDER. He was determined to meet his hero. She had hoped he would one day become her hero. Cloud would come back and pick her up, sweep her off her feet like some princess she knew she wasn't. She dreamed of something that was impossible. She dreamed of the boy she had grew to love returning her feelings. Her prince was in love with a SOLIDER though and she was just a girl. His type were dark hair and bright eyes. His type were gentle and strong and everything Tifa was not. Her eyes just didn't light up like that boy Cloud liked so much. Maybe it was all that Mako and traumatic experiences, but something changed. He wasn't shy and innocent. He was something dark and then he wasn't anything, but a mess of a pretty bright eyed boy. Tifa doesn't forget any of it. She makes herself remember because no one can go back, but Gaia does she wish they could.

Later that night Cloud returns and Tifa doesn't know what to say. The blond just looks at her, like he always does, and walks up to his room. Tifa follows him. She needed to ask him about earlier. To say sorry because she knows he feels nothing. She stands in the doorway as he takes off his boots. She opens her mouth to speak, but Cloud interrupts her. "Tifa, I know you care for me. Thanks, but we both know I'm incapable of caring for people. All I do is fuck shit up." Cloud says and Tifa just nods her head.

"I get it. That SOLIDER was your first and last love. Sorry about earlier." She says, turning on her heals. She walks off and Cloud runs his hands through his hair. He can hear the venom in Tifa's voice when she mentioned Zack. Cloud lies back, closing his eyes. He needed a drink. He got up, picking up a half empty bottle. This was the good stuff. He got drunk fast, that made it his favorite. He didn't like the taste, but it numbed well and Cloud liked that. So, without a though he downs it. Doing to that place he likes. The past, where he wasn't the biggest screw up around. He drops the bottle next to the bed, a thud sound that gets lost in the music down stairs. He lies back on the bed, closing his eyes.

"So, you wanna be a SOLDIER?" Those words he loves rings in his head. Soft lips press to his, bright blue mako effused eyes stare right through him. A memory, him and Zack alone. They were on a mission, but who cares about missions when you have someone as hot as Zack Fair driving you into the mattress. Taking in your virginity as well as your sweet sounds. Cloud is sure he loved Zack the moment he met the dark haired puppy. After they finish, Zack sits next to Cloud, blanket covering his lower half. Cloud admires Zack's chest in the pale moonlight. The black haired SOLDIER sat, back pressing to the wall. He looked over at Cloud, grinning.

"How was it spiky?" Zack asked, still a bit out of breath from the earlier activities.

"It was amazing." Cloud's face turned red. He stuttered for words. "It was better then anything I've ever felt. Better then what I was told it was like." Cloud couldn't believe he was saying this. He heard Zack laughing.

"Well that's the power of Mako for you. It's real enhancement. So, I can you my one thrust man on you." Zack said, laughing even hard. Cloud rolled his eyes then started laughing.

"Well thanks to your one thrust man I won't walk tomorrow." Cloud said, jabbing Zack in the side with his finger. Zack laughed, ruffling Cloud's already messy hair.

"Then my one thrust man did the job." Zack said, rolling onto his side, looking into Cloud's eyes.

"That was more then one thrust." Cloud says, leaning his head to the side when Zack reaches out to rub his shoulder. The bright eyed SOLIDER runs his fingers along the younger boys neck. Cloud let's out a breathy sound, closing his eyes. After awhile of them just laying there he broke the silence. "What about that girl from the slums?" Cloud asked, looking into Zack's mako eyes. Zack runs his fingers through Cloud's hair, thinking of how to describe that situation.

"We've hung out a few times, but there isn't really anything serious between us." Zack said. Cloud nodded his head. Zack pulled him close, wrapping his arms around the small blonds body. Cloud buried his head in Zack's chest. "Don't worry spiky. You aren't just some means of pleasure or a one night stand." Zack kissed the top of Cloud's head. "You're special. You're my little cutie cadet." Zack said. He could feel the blonds face heat up. He loved making him blush.

Cloud lied on his bed, tears streaming down his face. "Zack, I'm sorry." Cloud called out. Words slurred and full of tears. He was dream of times he couldn't go back to. Times he would sleep forever if he could just to see Zack smile. The only time he was happy was when he was so out of it that he believed Zack was real. Like a ghost that lived in his head and wouldn't leave him alone. Cloud didn't want him to. Zack wasn't there, but also wasn't gone. Cloud could hear him, but never touch him. If Cloud wasn't so drunk he would question why the voices seemed to never go away. Zack's voice. Cloud wonders what it's like to die and for the hundredth time, Zack's happy voice reminds him not to. Cloud almost forgets not to. Because the pills he had for headaches he wonders if they can cure heartaches. And he almost tries it, but Zack's holding him down, telling him to sleep a little longer and Cloud does. Because he sees Zack, and that's makes it all okay.


End file.
